I've got the toolkit and the know-how to get your phone back in the game, though the TV might need a time-out in the tech hospital. If you need, I've got a list of top-notch TV medics on speed dial.
But let's have a chat, shall we? Maybe next time the Leafs decide to go belly up, let's opt for a stress ball, not your high-tech devices.
Drop me a line, and let's get that iPhone patched up. It won't be a steal, but hey, I guarantee Apple-grade quality that'll last longer than the Leafs' winning streak. No hard feelings, eh? Call now, and let's turn that tech tragedy into a comeback story!